Thursday, July 30, 2009

I Am Still Alive....

I left New York, excited about heading home - via Sydney. The plan was that I was to arrive in Sydney after flying via LA and then head to Melbourne for a brief three days. I was then to spend one day in Sydney and then fly out to Singapore and finally settle back into a routine I've desperately craved since leaving there in mid June.

Lets put all of this into context, shall we?

- In late May, I fell ill with shingles, having trained a little too enthusiastically for the Bintan Triathlon. A week off work ill.

- In mid June, I fell off a horse in Malaysia and fractured my back in three places. A week and a half in a Malaysian hospital, repatriation to Singapore and a week at home, flat on my back in a heck of a lot of pain.

- In late June, I leave for Sydney with my mother (who flew over to get me) and I spend another two weeks on my back recovering from the accident.

- In early July, I travel from Sydney to LA to New York for a holiday that was planned eight months prior. I travel down to the Bahamas and back to New York.

- In late July, I travel from New York, to LA, to Sydney in the space of 36 hours. I then meet my parents at the airport, where I swap luggage. They drive me from the Sydney International terminal to the Sydney Domestic Terminal, where I catch a flight from Sydney to Melbourne.

- I spend three days in Melbourne, working two of the days from my company's Melbourne offices. I am to fly out to Singapore on the day after i arrive back in Sydney from Melbourne.

- On the final day of Melbourne, I notice that my skin is beginning to hurt, muscles ache and a sore throat was beginning to take shape. I push ahead, knowing that it would not be too long before I would be back in Singapore.

- I arrive back in Sydney late at night, and my flight to Singapore is to leave the following afternoon. By 10am of the day I am to leave, I am running a terrible fever and I know its time to see a doctor.

- By 1pm that day, my flight has been cancelled, I've been put to bed, I have been diagnosed with influenza, two ear infections and a throat infection. The airline obviously won't allow me to fly because of risk of swine flu (though i was never tested for it) and the doctor wasn't going to allow me to fly with the ear infections anyway.

So, in total, I have had about 23 sick days, 14 annual leave days, 50 or so days away from home, 13 illnesses, 18 flights... okay, those figures aren't accurate but it feels as though it has been that way.

What all of this has told me is that I am not invincible. It is not possible that I live my life this way, jet setting continually, pushing my body to the extremes in order to accomplish whatever goal it is I have set in my mind at the time. As this has all shown, my body simply cannot sustain this kind of pressure for long periods of time.

Now, its time that I also reflect on what has transpired over the past two months. In amongst all of this confusion and unsettled existence, a tiny bit of "something" has happened. For those who are in my immediate family, you will know what I am talking about. For those who are not, all I will say is that the Boy and I are in the process of reconciling. It will take time. It has created another large set of challenges. It won't be easy. Enough said. The issue has never been up for discussion on these boards. And it will remain the case.

However, I want to quickly reflect on all of what has happened in light of this "something" that has taken place. Having been forced into a situation where I had to slow down and allow my weaknesses to take over, I found strength in the one person that I thought I'd never need to find strength from again. Over the last month or so, the Boy has been my solid foundation, given me a safe place to hide, provided me a feeling of being "home" at times when I've felt so lost and at the same time, in order to provide this to me, faced his own fears. I have not come to this through over-analysis, constant asking of reassurance, or incessant communication. It has just formed. As I said in any earlier post, for once in my life, something "is what it is".

And as that, it shall remain. : )


  1. As I always say, "What will be, will be ... and we shall see."

    Just remember to breathe, dear Kate.