As I sit and pack my bags ready to head to New York, I think about a lot of things... where I was when I decided that I was going on this big trip to the USA... making a commitment to myself to make sure that 2009 was going to be the year of doing things i have always dreamed... working out that it was time for me to sort my "stuff" out... deciding that Singapore was the right thing to do... leaving my family... starting up a new life.
However, I find that as I try to reflect on it all, seek the drama and try to drag some kind of meaning out of it, I come away feeling a little empty handed... and I don't mean in a bad way.
You see, as a result of a couple of things that have happened recently (both personally and professionally), I have been forced to "pull my socks up" and realise that not everything needs to be so dramatic or convoluted. That often things "are what they are". Perhaps its time I actually stopped the impulsive, reactionary behaviour that comes from wanting to control everything and everyone around me in order to avoid being hurt or disappointed.
Yes, its important that I deal with issues honestly and openly, but there can be a great deal of peace obtained in letting things "be". Not every issue needs to have a complicated emotion attached to it, not everyone needs to have an ulterior motive - but in turn not everything needs to fit easily inside a little box of "goodness". My life does not need to be like a jigsaw puzzle.
Rather than try and control everything, perhaps its time i put a little faith in others and simply let things "be". Perhaps this is me growing up.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
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Perhaps it is growing up. Or perhaps it is something so much more. In any event I am thrilled knowing you will soon be so much closer! Perhaps, just perhaps, someday, we can actually meet and have coffee together. Well, I can dream can't I? (^_^)
ReplyDeleteSome of these words sound a little familiar. Mum
ReplyDelete"...that comes from wanting to control everything and everyone around me in order to avoid being hurt or disappointed."
ReplyDeleteIn order to avoid being hurt or disappointed. Hmmm...and so, what if you are? Do you fear you won't be able to survive? Have you forgotten all the hurts and disappointments you have already survived? Not just survived ... but triumphed over? How quickly we forget! Can it truly be you have so little faith in yourself? Tsk ... tsk!
But never fear...I and all others that love you have more than enough faith in you ... lean on us until you can stand on your own, my dear!