Billie Holiday

So, Bad Boy Billie has taken himself off for a little holiday to the resort island of North Korea in hope of rescuing two fair ladies who were imprisoned in March 2009 for entering North Korea illegally in order to commence a “smear campaign”.

I really admire Bill Clinton. I actually had a lot of respect for him when he was in office, at least when it came to foreign affairs (admittedly the only real knowledge of his position in relation to domestic affairs is that he likes cigars). The amazing thing is that I would never expect our friend George Dubya to come out of retirement to go on holidays around the world for the sake of world peace. It just doesn’t seem fathomable. And to be honest, I don’t think anyone could be bothered committing such a high level of security in order for Dubya to avoid being assassinated. Bill Clinton, however, seems to be the Travelling Peace Roadshow at the moment, what, with Haiti first and now North Korea.

I always had my suspicions that Hillary Clinton was being placed into the position of Secretary of State to give Bill Clinton his further fifteen minutes of political fame, but it appears that Bill wants to go out on his own – literally. Pyongyang appears to want to separate Bill from Hillary also, and just to prove it, told the world what they thought of his wife on the very same week he arrives in town. Quote: Clinton is "by no means intelligent" and a "funny lady." Translation: "She's not invited”.

While we are on the topic of quotes, Pyongyang spat out the following: the current US government are like "small children and unruly teenagers and people who are demanding attention."

Our Hillary responded as follows: “Unfortunately, the North Korean delegation offered only an insistent refusal to recognize that North Korea has been on the wrong course," she said. "They expressed no willingness to pursue the path of denuclearization. In their presentation today, they evinced no willingness to pursue the path of denuclearization, and that was troubling not only to the United States, but to the region and the international community."

Feeling the sharp dig by the US, the North Korean representative felt that it was best to retaliate - "Sometimes [Hillary] looks like a primary schoolgirl and sometimes a pensioner going shopping."

Hillary needs to stop with the "holier than thou" rhetoric and start behaving like a small child or unruly teenager that Pyongyang consider her to be. In other words, she needs to put her thumb to her nose, wave her four fingers and say “we got the bomb first, so how do you like THEM apples?!”